hello. almost everyone calls me "Jessy". some people like to shorten it to "Jess". very few people call me "Jess-nay". to irritate me a little, some call me "Jasmine". and one person calls me "Jay". i like to talk very much. sometimes, i never seem to stop talking. people usually don't mind because i am a very interesting conversationalist. i talk about strange things. i am strange. i like weird things because they're so funny. i laugh at things i shouldn't laugh at sometimes. my parents scold me for doing so. well, my parents scold me for doing a lot of things. like talking to myself. i find that talking to oneself can relieve loneliness and alleviate feelings which are bottled up. when i'm angry with someone, but cannot tell them that i am so, i talk to myself. it's much faster than writing a furious letter then throwing it away. letters? i love writing letters. letters to people i love. letters to people that i don't like. and also love letters. i used to write a lot of those. people think it's sweet. i do too. people think i'm sweet. i'm happy they think i'm sweet. because usually people just think i'm weird or scary. did i mention that i like to talk? i think i did. let me check. oh yeah. i did. oops.
p.s. half the time, i'm unsure of what i say. pardon the gibberish, alright? :)
Older brother:
Get out. My turn (to use the computer).
Me:
Wait.
(after a little while)
Older brother:
Out.
Me:
Daddy's not going to have the (other) computer fixed until Saturday.
Older brother:
And?
YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK. YOU. YOU ARE SO SELFISH YOU GODDAMNED HYPOCRITE. YOU CALLED ME SELFISH, WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT? HAHAHA. I HATE YOU. YOU NEVER STARTED KILLING YOURSELF IN FIRST YEAR HIGH SCHOOL. YOU DIDN'T STRESS OUT AND WANT TO DIE. YOU HAD A HUGE BUNCH OF FRIENDS AND WAS REALLY POPULAR. IT'S NOT FAIR. YOU WEREN'T DEPRIVING YOURSELF OF SLEEP FOR DAYS IN A ROW. AT LEAST NOT AS EARLY AS I STARTED. YEAH. I WANT TO JUST JUMP AND END IT ALL SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW? I PRAY TO GOD ALL THE TIME TO TAKE THIS CUP AWAY FROM ME AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IT--NEVER--HAPPENS. I GET ALL THE SHIT NOW. MOM AND DAD ALWAYS TALK ABOUT YOU AND EVERY I DO, PARANG MINAMALIIT NA LANG NILA. KAHIT YUNG MGA BAGAY NA TALAGANG PINAGMAMALAKI KO, MINAMALIIT NA NILA. AYOKO NA. AYOKO NA. AYOKO NA.
